I did a very hard thing for myself today.
I stood up to myself and told someone how I felt about something.
It was actually a two-day process.
Long story short, I needed a break from my friendship with someone for reasons (that had nothing to do them), but I have a nasty habit of not letting myself say what I need to say, especially when it comes to dealing with my feelings. When I started to try and saw what I needed to say, the other person wouldn't let me finish (because they didn't want to hear it because they were being selfish), which, very very very long story short, made everything worse. I woke up this morning and didn't care about fixing the problem, but then I realized that I'm sick and tired of having my self be my own worst enemy. I started out wanting to get something off my chest and I was resolved to finish it later on this morning so I did! I feel a lot better now because I got to stand up to myself, I was able to also tell the other person how I felt about them not wanting to hear what I had to say really, truly hurt my feelings, but I also I handled something in a way that was best for me. I had several people tell me to just handle this whole thing a different way and I probably could have, but I also realized it wasn't about how they wanted me to handle something; it's about doing what I need to do for me. The other person didn't really respond the way I thought they would, but I also realized, ultimately, it's not about them either. I was resolved last night that I 1)did speak up for myself and 2) the reason why I couldn't finish was because of something out of my control. I am glad that I did finish everything today and I'm ready to go into the next phase of my life feeling like I'm back on track. I haven't been eating, sleeping or working out and the stress of having this happen and applying to stuff was turning me into a version of myself that was less than my best.
Almost forgot, I got my first internship rejection letter today and I had a life friday night and had a dinner party with some classmates! I cannot tell you how refreshing both were in there own way. I'm actually not upset about not getting the position I was rejected from. Everything will work itself out. I mean, I applied to so many things that most of them probably won't work out, but that's cool, but as long as one works out, I'll have something to do over the summer :)
Going to the store to get smoothie stuffs tomorrow! I should be able to workout either today or tomorrow. I actually mean it this time haha.
